I thought I was prepared. I talked to my daughter about her new baby brother and bought her books about being a big sister. I read articles about including my firstborn in everything from diaper changes to laundry. I even talked to friends with more than one child about what life was going to look like with two. I was so focused on getting her ready for her new role as big sister, I didn’t even think about my new role. No one prepared me for the guilt.
After we settled in at home and all of the relatives left, reality hit me…hard. I found myself snapping at my daughter, feeling irritated and on edge. I guess I could easily blame sleep deprivation or hormones, but it was something else. We had sweet moments and I loved our new family of four, but somehow any small request rubbed me the wrong way. I often felt annoyed helping my daughter with things I knew she could do herself. What kind of mom was I?Then it dawned on me. I resented her for taking me away from my new little bundle. When my daughter was born, I had all the time in the world to sleep when she napped, sit on the ground and watch her during tummy time or rock her while singing a lullaby. Now I found myself juggling diaper changes, snack time, a screaming infant, a toddler needing toilet help, making dinner, multiple naps and keeping my house clean(ish). I was craving more one on one time with my baby boy and she was constantly interrupting. I thought I was giving her plenty of attention, but never stopped to think that she might be craving some one on one time from me. Continue reading